Sem žena zdravljenega alkoholika

Nikoli si nisem mislila, da bom po dveh otrocih, petih vnukih, dobrem življenju, možu, ki ga imam rada, dobila še naziv »žena zdravljenega alkoholika«. Še manj, ker sem medicinska sestra in bi mi moralo biti jasno, da ima moj mož težave, pa sem si lagala, se pretvarjala, da ni tako hudo, dokler mi ni zazvonil telefon in so mi sporočili, da je mož imel nesrečo in je v bolnišnici. To je bil zame in zanj tisti prelomni trenutek.

Bila sva mlada, ko sva se odločila za skupno življenje, imela sva komaj 18 let. Hitro sva postala starša in na glavo postavila reklo »najprej štal’ca, potem pa krav’ca«. Oba sva komaj zaključila s srednješolsko izobrazbo, ko sva bila vržena v vlogo staršev.

Sprva sva živela pri njem, kjer je bil tudi alkohol doma, čeravno mož prej ni alkohola niti poskusil, saj ni želel biti kot njegov oče, ki je bil večino časa pijan in nasilen, a je potem, ko je postal oče, redno ob petkih spil kupico. Ni me motilo, ker ni bil nasilen, le zaspal je. Naslednji dan pa se je zbudil poln idej in načrtov, kako bova hitro prišla do lastnega doma.

Zaposlila sva se »v mestu«, in ker sva bila oba zaposlena v t. i. javni upravi, nama je pripadalo občinsko stanovanje in seveda vrtec. Oba sva bila vzgojena v duhu, da moraš hišo zgraditi do 30. leta, ker si drugače zguba. Pridno sva delala, gradila hišo in ustvarjala skupno prihodnost. Ob gradnji hiše je bil alkohol obvezen spremljevalec, a ni bil preveč moteč, ker si je mož po težkem delu vendarle zaslužil pijačo.

Hiša je bila postavljena, pa sva se odločila, da bi bilo fino, da najin otrok le ne bi bil nezakonski, in sva se poročila. Pa je pil, ker sva se zaročila, pa je pil na poroki in še lep čas po poroki, ker se je poročil. Pa je potem pil, ker bo v drugo oče, in je pil, ko se je otrok rodil.

Potem mu je izgovorov zmanjkalo in se je pitje omejilo na petke zvečer. In spet me ni motilo, ker po težkem tednu si to vendarle zasluži. Tudi tiste rojstne dneve, zabave in poletne veselice sem tolerirala, ker je bojda bilo to normalno. Pa moški, ki ni nasilen, že ni pijanec, vsaj tako sem menila.

Je napihal prvič, pa je bil kriv policist. Pa je napihal drugič, pa je ponovno bil kriv policist, ki je ravno njega ustavil, in to 50 metrov pred domov. Pa je napihal tretjič in tako dalje in tile policisti so ga imeli na piki, ker so ravno njega ustavili, po vsej verjetnosti so mu sledili.

Ko so se pojavile težave v službi, so bili krivi vsi drugi, ker on je bil zgleden delavec in so bili drugi ljubosumni, ker je bil tako dober. Posledično je menjaval službe in povsod je bil enak problem – drugi so bili ljubosumni. Seveda nisem jemala tega kot znak, da je kaj narobe, ker ni bil niti en dan brezposeln, le skakal je iz službe v službo. Hkrati pa nikoli ni šel na slabše.

Ko se je upokojil in je bil več doma, sem prvič opazila, da mogoče, ampak res mogoče ima težave. Ker ni pil samo ob petkih, ampak vsak dan, zvečer kot nagrado za trdo opravljeno delo. Prvič sem začela resno razmišljati o tem, da potrebuje pomoč, ob hčerini poroki, ko je očeta prosila, če je lahko vsaj na njeni poroki trezen.

Njena prošnja se je seveda potem sprevrgla v neko filozofiranje, kako nesramna in nehvaležna je, ampak je njeno željo le upošteval. Midva pa sva imela material, da sva drug drugemu »dokazovala«, da nima težav z alkoholom. Ironično, da sva o tem filozofirala medtem, ko sva pila.

Leta so tekla, večeri so bili namenjeni njegovi kupici in neskončnemu filozofiranju o vsem in ničemer. Dejansko nisem čutila, da ni ravno normalno, da mora piti, spregledala sem, da se zjutraj trese, če ne spije šilčka. Pa če ni bil nasilen, ni zapravljal denarja, res je, da ga je bilo dovolj, ni se »kurbal«, bil je čisto povprečen mož.

Kot sem že omenila, je bila prometna nesreča prelomni dogodek. Ko sem prišla k njemu v bolnišnico, je bil cel v ranah, zlomljena roka in noga. Tisto, kar je bil šok, so bile besede zdravnika, saj je imel mož v krvi konkretno količino alkohola, hkrati pa naju je opozoril na druge zdravstvene težave, ki jih je mož imel, pa jih niti ni opazil.

Sreča v nesreči je bila le ta, da v prometni ni bil udeležen nihče drug. Iz bolnišnice se je odpravil na zdravljenje in zdaj je že kar nekaj let od tega dogodka. Večeri so še vedno najini, še vedno filozofirava o vsem in ničemer in petki so namenjeni za obisk KZA.

Članek je bil objavljen na spletni strani Slovenec https://www.slovenec.org/2021/03/18/sem-zena-zdravljenega-alkoholika/

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